Youll probably find this scenario quite common. This last happiness factor is quite important to mention. Because families are so close that also means that they are very comfortable. You feel ashamed or fearful when you make a mistake. Feelings of sadness, regret, disappointment, embarrassment, or fear are not valued or discussed. The people we consider family foster a sense of reciprocity, dependability and mutual reliance. Because they are responsible for their parents happiness (by doing the right things for themselves and convincing their parents about it). And this causes them to still see the world through the eyes of a child; with their personal power not yet being realised. We suffer from boredom. As a result, you may constantly obsess over another persons circumstances and wellbeing. The relationship becomes toxic and we become sick from breathing in the fumes everyday. When each member of the family feels valued and appreciated, the family grows stronger. They just need to have no expectations. You don't pick them. Both lean far too heavily on their children to provide the joy and fulfilment in their lives, they take almost no responsibility for themselves. You depend on them for advice, emotional support or even as a resource to come bail you out of trouble. Happify, a website and app dedicated to helping people build skills for happiness through science-based activities and games, broke down all the ways our families affect our personal joy. Happiness is not a competition, and it is not a race. 2. Feeling responsible for others happiness is a complex relationship of interrelated thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), an approach that focuses on our thoughts and actions, is effective in reducing the anxiety caused by responsibility for others happiness. Start tuning into your actions. And the more children you have, the unhappier you are likely to be. They often view their children's physical and emotional differences as imperfections to be corrected and/or changed and may denigrate their children in order to make them shape up. Aggressive behavior includes arguing with your parents constantly, cutting them out of your life, and doing things to rebel against them, even as an adult. Then when you're done, go call Mom. This phenomenon is known as The Parenthood Paradox or Parenthood Gap . However, the possible foible of having that ability is feeling responsible for others and their happiness. Research shows you just might be happier for it. 6 reasons why family is important for happiness. God designed you to be your husbands helper. Some may have noticed, and some may disagree, that often within our social or familial circles, there is a common underlying theme or assumption. Therefore, practice letting the chips fall where they may, and accepting people as they are. For example, when the toddler starts speaking for the first time or makes the first few steps, thats when family happiness reveals itself. Another example is when the father manages to land a great position or become accepted in a joint partnership. You live in the past. 2. In the last week or so I have begun to sound like a broken record because I just keep saying ' this is not my responsibility - it is yours.' Having 4. P.S. you need to start living your OWN life too! Get out and spend time with friends and create your own positive environment which will also work They are responsible for shareholders happiness. Many parents want their kids to be as physically and emotionally flawless as possible. E. Eyerishlass May 2014. She is playing the guilt card, but you don't have to pick it up. Talk to her MD about her destructive behavior and see if he can't give her an anti 10. 5. I watched Queen Victoria's Children, in three parts, on Youtube. I thought it was going to be a historical documentary and was amazed to find it wa Allow their egoic role to be as it is, just remain present and conscious. 4-6 If you have said yes to nearly half you are probably in the process of separating but need to go further. Action step: Take a moment to schedule and plan the kind of vacation that will help return back home feeling rejuvenated and inspired. You may feel responsible for other peoples happiness and/or health. Family happiness can be quite unstable. I have family members, some blood and some not blood related, that make me want to be the best person I can be. Your friends. 0-3 If you have said yes to less than three you are probably separated enough and do not have too many feelings of guilt or responsibility towards your parents happiness. Research shows (over and over again) that having children reduces happiness (e.g. 8. If so, think again. The Verdict: We have an innate responsibility to help loved ones as they age, but there are limits. 1. Healthy emotions are not valued Dysfunctional families only value happiness and compliance to others needs and demands. You were NEVER responsible for your mom's happiness (or lack thereof). Only your mom can make herself happy. You need to work on setting boundaries Even our own minds are operating on autopilot for much of the time. 3) You feel responsible for other peoples happiness and wellbeing. Lets look at an example from both the perspective of a mother who feels her childs happiness is her responsibility and a mother who provides good support for her childs big feelings without the belief that she is responsible for his happiness. Your mother is clinging onto her best option, irrespective of the fact that it is crushing you. She is not going to change this while this stays tr They look the other way and hope for the best. We can't be responsible for our elderly parent's happiness. The minute we take that on and begin to think we are is the minute we start to self-des In reality, you are looking for other peoples happiness and not your own. Happiness comes from within, people in miserable circumstances can be happy. Rich people in idillic enviable lives can be depressed, as proven by t September 3, 2016. Health: feeling fit and healthy. Its easy to get caught up in the past, but it isnt doing you any You obviously have natural leadership abilities. When you make your happiness your partners responsibility, youre asking a flawed individual to be perfect in that one area of their life. I spend my time and energy helping others so much that I neglect my own wants and needs. You feel youre responsible for your parents marital conflicts. All the familys problems are dumped on this child. Advertisement. It can actually feel like something you physically drag around. Happiness is an individual responsibility. The closeness you share with family and friends affects your happiness. Youre putting them on a pedestal of expectation. Family can be a hard thing sometimes. 2. Anderson, Russel, & Schumm, 1983 or Campbell, 1981), even though parents think it will make them happier. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) , an approach that focuses on our thoughts and actions, is effective in reducing the anxiety caused by responsibility for others happiness. Adam Oakley. God desires for husbands and wives to help one another. What Actually is Family Happiness? Of course, the most important members of the family are the parents. I have asked my family these questions to no avail. Truth is, they can be happy. So, first of all save yourself. Fear of what they might do when theyre angry. Whooooaaa???? She threatens SUICIDE if you set a boundary with her? Back to square one. YOU are not responsible for your mother's happiness. SHE i I would rather attend to others than attend to myself. Why would you continue to take and let a toxic situation affect your happiness. You can call 911 next time she threatens suicide and say she is a danger to herself and potentially others. Have her committed for a 72 hour watch. Because the friends dont stay around too long. 7+ You are probably enmeshed and I suggest you may be having not only difficulty with You feel mortified when something goes wrong at work, even when its a team effort. Family systems are resistant to change and attempt to get the person to change back to the way things were before. The relationship between the two parents and the children is a safe haven. Family members and outsiders view this person as capable, conservative, serious, trustworthy, and strong. I believe family is the key to happiness and happiness makes you want to be a better person. However, this can take a toll on us if it is taken too far. So often people feel down because they dont enjoy what they do. We can't be responsible for our elderly parent's happiness. Within the 3,085 days that Ive analyzed here, there have been 119 days in which I felt sick, feverish or unhealthy. The family environment which was usually a major contributing factor to the young person's problem in the first place undoes all the progress the person has made in therapy. A lot of times they put the pressure of things they cannot do on others. The minute we take that on and begin to think we are is the minute we start to self-destruct little by little. I think of them both as still being children emotionally. I have a "Debbie Downer" friend. Any "friends" she has I really think its because people feel sorry for her. I know one who takes her to appts but You may obsessively research ways to help them and shower them with advice even when they fail to listen. Gods original purpose for creating Eve to be Adams wife is given in Genesis 2:18: The LORD God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. Taking personal responsibility means not blaming others for your unhappiness. I understand feeling like you want to run away and feeling the weight of being responsible for your parent's happiness. It can actually feel like s They can not give this to you, you can only find it within yourself, as who you already are. You are responsible for yours. Youre setting your own hopes up to fail. OP, your mother sounds a lot like both my mother and my mother in law. I think that is natural and normal to feel responsible for the well being and happiness of our entire family because we are natural caregivers. You feel its your fault when other people feel bad. It is our job to be there for them no matter how they feel. If there is a lot of bad feelings within a relationship, you cut ties in a friendship and move on. Last week over at the Peacefulwife Blog, one person left the following comment: I have found it ironic that husbands are not responsible for our happiness as wives (something I am learning) but they measure their success as husbands by our happiness. I tend to take on the moods of people close to me. Responsibility For The Happiness Of Others InnerPeaceNow.com. Her work can be found on Role Reboot, Alternet, and on her blog: Two Parts Smart-Ass; One Part Wisdom. I believe without family people never have true happiness or complete joy in their lives. Our actions alone cant ensure that those we love will The books listed below helped me so much with what you are talking about. Its taken me years to understand why I feel such a guilt and responsibili Feeling responsible for others happiness is a complex relationship of interrelated thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Success is staying with them while they cry. Believe it or not, that issue has nothing to do with your leadership abilities. From the heavens and can do no wrong. Whether one feels responsible for other peoples happiness or feels that other people are responsible for their own, it is because they have not been able to emotionally grow up. I understand feeling like you want to run away and feeling the weight of being responsible for your parent's happiness. Lynn Beisner writes about family, social justice issues, and the craziness of daily life. A happy family is a family who stays respectfully close & playful, chooses laughter daily and doesnt sweat the small stuff; they express forgiveness soon, speak kindly about and to each other, and support each others big & small moments. "If you feel like youve been leaning on your partner too much, the first thing you can do is acknowledge the specific behavior and communicate to your significant other what it First. The family is the most important institution of the society. Let go of control. 05/13/2014 10:38:52. It has to do with an unresolved conviction within you that is playing out through your leadership abilities. Happify, a website and app dedicated to helping people build skills for happiness through science-based activities and games, broke down all the ways our families affect our personal joy. If they can't do that they just love them anyways. That smile probably explains why traveling is part of my top 10 biggest factors of happiness. When you depend on others, there will come a moment when you notice that you are not happy. You feel to blame if your child goes off in a bad way. Parents were waiting to see you happy and that was (many a times) the only target in their lives. Every marriage is different. Money wasnt the problem here. As Mr T never said (but should have), I pity the fool who expects their friends to make them happy. But at the end of the day, you should still treat each other with love and kindness. You have to learn to be happy. There is very little that any of us are in control of. Mutual support and solidarity. It is not our job to make our kids happy. I will make a helper suitable for him.. For a long time this trapped me. Your feelings about your emotionally immature parents may include: Guilt that you dont do enough. When you think your partner should make you happy, youre putting a lot of pressure on that person. Threatening suicide is "Emotional Blackmail." Your mom is using it to control you and make you feel guilty for the way She is and for Her situation I tend to get caught up in other peoples problems. There is no reason for you to feel guilty. We simply cannot be responsible for another's happiness. That is something that a person has to work a I am overly sensitive to criticism. Take a look at the infographic below. How long can you go on feeling like you're responsible for their happiness (when you give up your own)? Just as long as you are willing to. You are One of my favorite internet memes is Dont worry, nothing is in control.. Its author, Jennifer Senior, suggests that children more often make their parents unhappy. I believe since you have awareness that you have sacrificed some of your own happiness to benefit your parent, it might be a signal to start tending to your own needs. This list could be equally true of an adult with siblings, however it is particularly common with adult only children who feel overly protective and responsible for a parents happiness. Is responsible, respectful and successful. Author has 11.1K answers and 11.4M answer views. I feel as if my happiness depends on other people. These children are not responsible in any way shape or form, for making sure their parents are happy. Then there are children that have wonderful parents. Caring for our loved ones and being looked after by them brings a rewarding sense of achievement. We may know that life is better, easier, and less lonely when we were with each other, except when it Upstream, of course she's most content when you are working on your "to-do" list, she feels in control. You responded to another poster that she c Having more faith than fear, choosing to be grateful, and taking responsibility for my own happiness were key to giving me the strength to take back control of my happiness and my life -- after years of grieving over the loss of my father, dissatisfaction in my career, relationship and overall life. Professionally, this might mean they dont find any real satisfaction from their job. Zeroing in on So-Called Negative Characteristics. In a toxic family dynamic, you might feel contempt or disdain instead of love. No interests, no passions, no real friends. This is my harbor which makes me feel confident and safe. The assumption seems to be there less so with good friends or secure family members, but more so with new Whether you are a child or an adult, you are always attached to your family since they are an indispensable part of your life, and they always bring you joy and happiness. You are defining a co-dependent relationship here 100%. How do I know, you ask? Because you wrote MY story! I'm an only child, too (at 62 years old Youre sensitive and compassionate. Family is forever. Do not look to another family member to make you feel more whole or complete.